Thursday, November 9, 2017

How To Learn To Accept

He fell off the wagon again this last weekend. When he was finally nailed for it and was in a position where he could not deny it anymore he started spewing his venom again. Threatening to divorce me and take everything I have. Nevermind the fact that he blew 150,000 dollars in the span of a year on crap from ebay and meth.

I thought I would fall apart but surprisingly I just felt irritated by this. I have come to terms with the fact that he is probably going to end up dead or in jail or homeless within the next year or so. He has been in and out of this same treatment centre since July and hasn't even been able to stay clean for longer than 90 days. With all the overdoses there are in this day and age it is only a matter of time til he gets a bad batch or caught with the meth.

I have come to realize that he is a narcissist and only cares about himself and his addiction right now. He then is trying to send me emails telling me that he loves me but I am not responding because I don't want to get to drawn in to his drama. Truth be told I feel like if he really loved me he wouldn't keep doing this to me and trying to blame me for his problem with drugs.

I stepped back and can see now that it has been like this for several years. If I wasn't doing what he wanted or making him happy he would treat me like shit and belittle me.

It is an interesting situation to be in where you are start to accept that this is now how the person is and who there are becoming and have stepped away from the drama to where it is no longer seriously affecting you.