Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Accepting And Exploring

The last year has been the hardest year of my life. I watched the man I loved and was married for nearly 20 years evolve back into an active addict. This time around his drug of choice was meth. Now, I knew him before when he was addicted to heroine and to tell you the truth I liked him better then cause at least he didn't lie. Meth turns people into liars and really bad ones at that.

So after a few failed attempts at him getting clean on his own and having to keep calling the police to have him removed, I finally got a protection order against him. I did it to protect myself and my daughter as well as everyone else in our house. One of the last times he showed up trying to break in he had knives on him. Since then the protection order has been listed but he is still not at home. At this point he is in a treatment centre but this is also his 2nd go at this as well because he slipped and started using again.

So here I am less than a week from my 40th birthday and things have been definitely different for me. I was in such a bad place a few months ago. Depressed and almost suicidal. I went for help from my doctor. He had me do a depression test and it came back that I was severely depressed. He started me on Zoloft. After an increase in the medication and also being put on B12 supplements I am doing a lot better.

I have started running again and run a minimum of 3 times a week and sometimes more. I feel better than I have in years and am enjoying having a life again. Going out and seeing friends as well as becoming closer with my sister in law who I now consider to be one of my best friends.   It is weird to think that I am in this position as I never thought I would be. While he was sick with seizures I could handle it but when it came to using illicit drugs I am just not into that or the type of drama that it comes with.

I am at peace now and am in the process of designing my life how I want it to be.

Have you ever had the opportunity to design your life?

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