I haven't said much lately on here as I have been trying to work through my feelings. I keep running to try and help with the stress but sometimes it just doesn't seem to cut it.
Although we have an answer on Darcy things are still far from normal and it is really taking a toll on me mentally. The past almost 2 years it is like he is a different person. I still love him to death and that will never change but there are things about him that I miss terribly.
He used to be so functional and in control and since this whole process has started, he's not anymore. When he is having a really good day which isn't that often, he almost seems like his normal self. But as I said it is not that often. I feel half the time like I am the mother, caregiver and babysitter for him all in one and that I am the only one in this marriage.
I know things will get better with the medication (which from the looks of it will need to be adjusted) and time but in the meantime I find that I am lonely. I miss the way he could take control of any situation and he was always so sure of himself. I miss the physical connection as well but don't think that here would be the appropriate place to discuss that aspect. He used to be full of fire in everything that he did now it seems like he is just a shadow of himself.
At this point all I can do is look toward the future and know that in times things will get better, it's just hard in the meantime. So I will do what I need to for me which is keep running and doing what will make me happy. Maybe I wouldn't sink into such a quagmire if I released some of my inner thoughts on here more often so I think I will endeavor to blog more frequently than I have been.
Thanks for listening :)
Although we have an answer on Darcy things are still far from normal and it is really taking a toll on me mentally. The past almost 2 years it is like he is a different person. I still love him to death and that will never change but there are things about him that I miss terribly.
He used to be so functional and in control and since this whole process has started, he's not anymore. When he is having a really good day which isn't that often, he almost seems like his normal self. But as I said it is not that often. I feel half the time like I am the mother, caregiver and babysitter for him all in one and that I am the only one in this marriage.
I know things will get better with the medication (which from the looks of it will need to be adjusted) and time but in the meantime I find that I am lonely. I miss the way he could take control of any situation and he was always so sure of himself. I miss the physical connection as well but don't think that here would be the appropriate place to discuss that aspect. He used to be full of fire in everything that he did now it seems like he is just a shadow of himself.
At this point all I can do is look toward the future and know that in times things will get better, it's just hard in the meantime. So I will do what I need to for me which is keep running and doing what will make me happy. Maybe I wouldn't sink into such a quagmire if I released some of my inner thoughts on here more often so I think I will endeavor to blog more frequently than I have been.
Thanks for listening :)
