Sunday, May 28, 2017

Does anything even matter?

Truthfully the last 9 months of my life have been a nightmare. My husband of 20 years who had almost 21 years of sobriety threw it all out the window. Somehow he decided his family and I were not worth the fight anymore and he gave in.  So in the last 9 months I have lost my husband and my best friend.
For the past 4 years I have tried to take care of him as he has a seizure disorder and so alot of my friends have fallen by the way as I did not have time to go and hang out or visit. Now, I am alone.

Everyone has their advice they have been giving me and while I appreciate unless you have been in my exact position as you can do is speculate how things should be or how I should feel. I just don't have anything left in me and I feel empty. In truth I just want to walk away from everything at this point. My life or lack there of, my home, my career, None of it matters anymore because I am lost.

I don't know if I will ever be found. I spend my entire life right now getting up, walking the dog before I go to work then I come home and walk the dog some more. That is pretty much my existence and I keep thinking there has to be more to it than this because truthfully it is depressing. I just want to cry all of the time and will even admit that I have had a few thoughts about how it would be if I were no longer here.

I know some people I know will probably suggest that I get some help but the truth of the matter is. I don't know if I want the help or if I am even worth helping. Truthfully, I am alone maybe physically around people but essentially I am alone.

SO THE QUESTION REMAINS DOES ANYTHING EVEN MATTER?

I

Monday, May 22, 2017

Not About Running

I have seriously wanted to run over the last few weeks but as usual life keeps throwing the hard balls at me and sidelining me. Somethings has happened that I am not ready to discuss on here yet all I can tell you is that it is super bad.

My heart is broken into a million pieces. I need to be able to find peace with where I am right now or at least start healing so that I can move beyond the anger and the absolute devastation that I am feeling.


Friday, April 28, 2017

Friday Morning Hard Run

Compared to the last few day of running today was the hardest. I'm not sure what was off today but it felt like this was my first time running in a hundred years.


I got it done but it wasn't without effort and I am happy I still did it.  Maybe it was dinner last time coming back to bit me. Katie made an awesome dinner but boy was it sure hot. I don't know what it was but it involved red curry paste and it did taste good.


I did try doing a yoga video at home yesterday and it turned out to be a big fail. I felt like I was doing fairly well but my monster dog decided he would help me during downward dog by coming up underneath my body and licking my face.


All in all though I think this week has gone fairly well in regards to exercise. Have you ever wanted to blame what you ate last night for a rough run?

Ran 2.15 km on 2017-04-28
Ran 2.15 km on 2017-04-28

Distance
2.15 km

DURATION

19:31

CALORIES BURNED

--
04/28/2017
Activity







Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Keeping On Track Run

Yesterday was my rest day and it felt great. I got spoiled by my hubby who has arranged for my hair to get done both cut and streaked. I think it turned out great. Sometimes you just need a change to spark things up and this was the perfect time.


This morning when I got up and looked at the overcast sky I realized it might be best to get my run in this morning before it starts to rain like it has been threatening to do via the Weather Network. It has been a long time since I ran in the morning but I went at it with positive thoughts.

Ran 2.09 km on 2017-04-26
Ran 2.09 km on 2017-04-26

Distance
2.09 km

DURATION

18:20

CALORIES BURNED

--
04/26/2017
Activity





The positive thinking worked great. 
:) 















Monday, April 24, 2017

New Sunglasses Trial Run

For the first time in my life when I went to get glasses recently I got a two for one deal and my second set I chose sunglasses. I have never had prescription sunglasses before so I was not quite sure what to expect. Being visually challenged it is always a pain in the arse to run with just regular glasses in the sun and those clip on sunglasses never seem to sit right.



I went for my run this afternoon and it was marvelous. Why didn't I get prescription sunglasses years ago. Not only did they stay on my face the entire time but I didn't get squintie eyed at all with the sun shining on my face.

My run other than that was pretty good since I have been trying to get back into it. For the longest time things were just going sideways but now they seem to be back on track. We moved to Maple Ridge recently and I haven't seen my Garmin at all. I'm suspecting it may have gotten lost in the move so at this point I am using my phone with Mapmyrun on it.

RAN 2.17 KM ON 2017-04-24

DISTANCE
2.17km
STEPS
3145
DURATION 
19:52
AVG PACE
09:09
KCAL
--



Did you get in a run today? Do you have prescription sunglasses and if so do you find they work better than the clip ons?


Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Vacation Run

Nothing helps resetting your getting back into the running thing like a good vacation.



I know that getting back into a routine is difficult but I am determined to do it. I feel better when I run and I know that I will be better off physically and mentally. I have started gaining some weight while on this running hiatus and it is time to set it right again.


It is a little tough right now as I am starting back at square one. I know it will be worth it in the end. I am looking forward to getting to the point of running longer and looking forward to doing the Vancouver Rock and Roll Half Marathon. My goal for this raced is to do it in less than 3 hours. Training right is going to help me accomplish that.

Did you get a good run in today?