Saturday, January 20, 2018

Real or Fake Friends. Time To Decide

I've never been very popular in school or in life and I'm alright with that. As well now that I am an adult in my forties I also realize that I do not have much in the way of friends. Its not like I am sitting here going "Oh whoa is me" It is just a truth that I need to acknowledge. It's just like I thought the mutual friends that we had between Darcy and I were friends of both of us. I realize now that is not the case. Maybe it is because I never was popular and he was. People will make their own decisions  about things regardless of if I feel betrayed or whatever.

I find that I feel this way because someone I thought was a friend lied to my face. I knew that they lied to my face but tried to ignore it anyways. That is not the way to live behaving like a little mouse afraid of shaking things up. So I dealt with it and called the person on it. For that I was called names and other things and you know what that is ok because I realize people don't like being called on their bullshit. Time to move on. It is not the first time and probably will not be the last time either.

 So for today I am going to reflect on who I have in my life and whether they will stay in my life. I am trying to create a better existence for myself with more positive things and light and love. I will be going through my Facebook friends and determining who is staying and who is going. I need to cleanse my life of negativity and fake people it is time.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Standing On The Edge

When you are standing on the edge not sure which direction to go with your life and everything else has fallen back behind you; it leaves everything wide open.

That is how I have been feeling lately. Free- free of feeling burdened, free of being under someones thumb, free from decisions that have been made for you in the past. Feeling free is a great feeling. I am learning more and more about myself every day and am more confident than I have ever been. 

He is no longer in a treatment centre but that is not holding me down. That is his decision and he needs to live with his decisions. None of that is on me. I am done with that part of my life. Onward and upwards.

I have been making plans for this year and it is going to be great. I am planning a trip to Las Vegas with a couple of friends as well as making personal plans like trying skydiving at some point this spring.

On the other side of things I am also planning on opening an Etsy shop to start selling my crochet. I have been getting better and better at it enough that I think it is getting to be time. I will succeed because I want to. I am happy in my life and am thankful for all of my blessings like the good friends I have and a wonderful family who loves me just as much as I love them.

Still figuring everything out but it is all coming together.

Have you ever celebrated your freedom before? How did you do it?

Friday, December 29, 2017

Deciding The New Year

I am taking a little time right now to reflect on how I want the upcoming year to look like and what I want to accomplish.

Stay Tuned...

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Moments of Clarity

This last year has been a real eye opener. I have learned things about myself like how strong I am and how to deal with the unfortunate dealings that have gone on.  The wool is no longer over my eyes. On some levels it is making me ask more questions than I know I will ever have answers for.

I am feeling at peace with things though. Is my life turning out the way I thought it would, the simple answer is no it's not.

I am grateful that I have the opportunity to redesign my life at this particular stage in my life. Bring it on universe I am open to all the wonderful things that you have planned for me.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Getting Back At It Run

Sunday morning came with cloudiness and rain. Even though it was yucky out I decided it was now or never to get back out there and get a run in. It was a little slow going but it felt good to get back out there.

I was feeling a little down on myself over the few days. I guess I am getting scared that I was starting to slip back into my old self sabotaging and overly critical ways and that the run would help get rid of some of that. Luckily it worked. I felt calm and positive for the rest of the day.

At least now I see it when I start to back slide towards my own self negativity. That is when I am most vulnerable to depression. So for now I am going to be thankful. Thankful for the opportunity and ability to run and to see when it is starting to go sideways. I definitely need to keep on top of the running for my own sanity sake.

Do you recognize when you are starting to backslide into depression? What you do find helps pull you out?

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Learning Self Confidence

It has been a very enlightening few months for me. I keep learning more and more about myself and what I am learning I am liking.  I realize that everything over the last few years has been difficult but I have never had that much confidence.

Through all of these changes over the last few months I have found that my confidence is starting to build. People like me and I like people. I have friends that I hold dear and am learning how to assert myself when needed.

That is not to say that everything is perfect as it is far from and I do have rough days that cause me to feel like I am sliding backwards. However, I am learning how to deal with those negative emotions and nip any nagging self destructive tapes that I have playing in the bud.