Sunday, February 11, 2018

Love Yourself

With all that has been going on over the last year the most important lesson I've learned is to "Love Myself" I am finally at the point where I can look in the mirror and say I love you to myself without cringing.

It took alot for me to get to this point. Up to and including  severe depression that ended up with me being on antidepressants.  I had hit my ultimate low where I laid in bed at night and tried to think of reasons as to why I shouldn't kill myself. That was the hardest time I have had so far. I know it wasn;t just all about me as I my life was falling apart. My husband decided that doing drugs and who knows what else was better than being a part of my life. I felt useless and hopeless. Now more than 6 months later and I am in a totally better head space.

I am grateful now for all the good that is happening in my life. I feel better than I ever have. I have great friends and people who love me and want the best for me. I am going to start working from home soon which will be another adventure that I am looking forward to as I will be gaining 10 hours of my life back per week that I won't be spending commuting. I have a dog that I love who is the sweetest little beast. I have all these ideas about things that I am going to be doing over the next while and that is what is letting me know that I am in a good space. I am so very far away from the beat down person I used to be.

What are you grateful for?

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Long Week But Worth It

Things have been going very well lately. Last week I got my top denture same day as the teeth extraction. I have never really had good teeth but over the last few years I was taking care of someone else and not me. Now that I am on the road to taking care of myself my body is well under control so it was time to take care of the teeth aspect.

It has been a slow process but it is starting to heal nicely. Today was the first day that I was able to take out the denture for cleaning where it didn't hurt so that to me is a good sign.

Other than that I have been doing my walking with Tanis my sister in law. D has tried contacting me alot over the last little while but I find that I just don't even have the energy to respond 99% of the time. I am working on putting myself first and want to experience the good things in life so that is all I am letting in at this time.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Sunday Run It Out Day

It is Sunday once again but thankfully it is my long weekend this weekend so I have another day off tomorrow as well.  I ran on the treadmill this morning as there is a rainfall warning in effect for the lower mainland.

It was a good run and I am glad I am getting back into the swing of running whether it be outside or inside on the treadmill. While running outside is definitely more interesting there is something to be said about running and being warm and dry that is appealing to me.

 I have been following up all of my runs in the last couple of weeks with 10-15 sit ups and 10-15 push ups. So needless to say I have been feeling better and stronger with those and while running. While life seems to be getting better and better with lots of great things being planned over this year like a trip to Las Vegas with a couple of friends.

Any good ideas of things to do and see while in Las Vegas?

Saturday, January 20, 2018

Real or Fake Friends. Time To Decide

I've never been very popular in school or in life and I'm alright with that. As well now that I am an adult in my forties I also realize that I do not have much in the way of friends. Its not like I am sitting here going "Oh whoa is me" It is just a truth that I need to acknowledge. It's just like I thought the mutual friends that we had between Darcy and I were friends of both of us. I realize now that is not the case. Maybe it is because I never was popular and he was. People will make their own decisions  about things regardless of if I feel betrayed or whatever.

I find that I feel this way because someone I thought was a friend lied to my face. I knew that they lied to my face but tried to ignore it anyways. That is not the way to live behaving like a little mouse afraid of shaking things up. So I dealt with it and called the person on it. For that I was called names and other things and you know what that is ok because I realize people don't like being called on their bullshit. Time to move on. It is not the first time and probably will not be the last time either.

 So for today I am going to reflect on who I have in my life and whether they will stay in my life. I am trying to create a better existence for myself with more positive things and light and love. I will be going through my Facebook friends and determining who is staying and who is going. I need to cleanse my life of negativity and fake people it is time.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Standing On The Edge

When you are standing on the edge not sure which direction to go with your life and everything else has fallen back behind you; it leaves everything wide open.

That is how I have been feeling lately. Free- free of feeling burdened, free of being under someones thumb, free from decisions that have been made for you in the past. Feeling free is a great feeling. I am learning more and more about myself every day and am more confident than I have ever been. 

He is no longer in a treatment centre but that is not holding me down. That is his decision and he needs to live with his decisions. None of that is on me. I am done with that part of my life. Onward and upwards.

I have been making plans for this year and it is going to be great. I am planning a trip to Las Vegas with a couple of friends as well as making personal plans like trying skydiving at some point this spring.

On the other side of things I am also planning on opening an Etsy shop to start selling my crochet. I have been getting better and better at it enough that I think it is getting to be time. I will succeed because I want to. I am happy in my life and am thankful for all of my blessings like the good friends I have and a wonderful family who loves me just as much as I love them.

Still figuring everything out but it is all coming together.

Have you ever celebrated your freedom before? How did you do it?

Friday, December 29, 2017

Deciding The New Year

I am taking a little time right now to reflect on how I want the upcoming year to look like and what I want to accomplish.

Stay Tuned...